There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
