omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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