If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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