At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's like heaven, but drunker
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
