yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
