If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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