Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
