i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this just has baby written all over it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
