The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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