You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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