WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
