The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My penis needs a shock collar
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
