my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
