i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
