How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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