is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
