So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
