i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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