i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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