It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
