just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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