Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's always time for handjobs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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