OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
