i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Boobs speak an international language.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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