are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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