mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
