nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
