Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
