He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
