Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
