Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
