He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
