i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
