I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
