She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
