you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
