the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize