tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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