I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize