I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
