yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
