It's like God shit irony all over that family
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
