I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
