I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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