Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
