i would punch a child for taco bell
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize