beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
