Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
