Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
