Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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