I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize