I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
