So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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