Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
