Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
