Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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