my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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