i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
