Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Welp...herpes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
