where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
