Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
