Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Randomize
