I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You are a genius and a whore.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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