no, he came in my armpit
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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