i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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