you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
