So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
