tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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