it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize