would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This house was built for laser tag.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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