Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I died a long time ago.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
