my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
