I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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