chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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