I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
