There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
