I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
