When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
