Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
