I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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