i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Let's get the cat blown out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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