he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
