Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
