im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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