I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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