the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
