She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
