he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
