My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
