Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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