remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
