I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
