This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
