there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
