I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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