I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize