i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
