found the other keg... it's in the tree
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I party with great urgency now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
