jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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