I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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