Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
