if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
