when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
