if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
