as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
