It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
