Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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