i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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