How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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