Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
