You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
