my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
