Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
