I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would ride that face into the sunset
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